2011 is here

Yes, been blogging not soo much anymore. I try to make it as often, but doesn't seem to have the time to do it like used to or rather how i want it to.

Another year older. Have not achieve anything i want yet. How sad. Seriously, i don't even know what i really want at the moment. Has been like this since God knows when. How have 2010 been treating me. Not really nicely. I can tell you. Things just got bad to worse and worse to horrible.

But, i try not to let it bother me...How about i do a re-cap for this year?Shall we...

No1. Meeting a guy from the bar, which claims that he likes me but don't want to be in a relationship. That's fine, until he keeps calling every night after he is drunk for the next 3 months unable to let me live my life.

No2. I fell off from a blardee pavement n broke my foot. That's fine. But to actually find out 2 weeks later and got it operated without realising it was an operation, some anal docs we have in M'sia. Now i've ended up my foot with a screw. Is that even necessary.

No3. I was suppose to fly off else where middle of the year in search of myself and an opportunity to leave town which i hate so much. But nooooo, with my broken foot i have to stay literally in my bed room for the whole entire 2 months. Can anything be awesome than this.

No4. Hence, i found myelf a job out of boredom. For your information, i used to work for that same particular company when i was in kiwi. Obviously it was easy to get into the company since i know so much about their business, of course i did not reveal to them that i used to work for the company previously. STINK!

So, whatever i have stated for my 2010's resolution most of it are unachievable. How about this 2011's one then? With a partner with me, it's a bit tough to plan things that i should achieve alone.

Speaking of my partner, he is 180 cm tall. Long, skinny arms and legs, cute face, a temper, an attitude problem and a very protective partner indeed. We argue most times due to our indifferences.

So how should i plan?

I would really want to join dancing class but too lazy to hit the dance floor and practice.

I would really like my life to be else wea than here in Malaysia, but i have someone here who doesnt want to leave.

I would really like to lead a wealthy life but at the same time i would also want to live a simple one.

Fickle isn't it!

I'll try setting simple ones like........

- Earning as much money and career at the same time.

- Tone down my stubbornness and pride to get along with my partner.

End.

5.0.5

Come back to life,

Where are you?

Why are you hiding?

Have you forgotten what is it like being treated like this?

Don't walk out,

You know that you don't want to be left alone,

Why say things that you don't mean?

Why can you not talk?

Express yourself, do not let anyone hinder you.

Are you tired?

Losing faith?

Giving into believing that love never really existed?

What happen to you?

You were never like this before.

Please come back before you lose everything......

Only you can save yourself from self-misery

Don't leave me

This is the 2nd time of the week, i woke up with this nightmare. Wot is it about? It's horrible. The worse i've ever encounter. Best friends leaving me, ignoring me and boycotting me. I can lose everything else, but not them. They're the ones who complete me in every way. Without them, i just don't know how to live anymore.

Please........please don't leave me

Untitled Thoughts

My days starts with him in mind.

When the sun is blazing

His figure vagues away

During the night when the moon slowly immerse itself,

My heart is always anxious waiting for him

He never calls or look for me

The senseless hope that i hold within me keeps me half alive

Now i am waiting for you to fade away from my life

Until then,

Don't come look for me Love.

I need another story

It's been so long since i've blog. Busy wid life and i've met someone. Right now i've lost him. Everything here is happening too fast. My life is a mess over here. Even more so in K.L. Never thought i'll ever end up like this. It's deteriorating and i cannot help myself but to complain n wish that i had a better one. Looking back life in Auckland was awesome where things are easy n chillexing. Fuss free. The only complain that i have was not having enough of company from others or how should i put it in a way. I dont feel like socialising at all. Instead over here, everything is too overwhelming. Too much of socialising leads to disaster.

I met him at The Library. It was his burfday n was keen to get me a drink at the same time really wants to get to know me. I am happy to know him but at the same time i wish he hadn't had come over to get to know me. Somehow, somewhere within me knows that something shitty is going to happen due to my "commitment phobia" attitude. True enough look at me now. Sulking and wishing that things could've just be simpler. He is pushing me away from his life after learning of my dark past and not to mention after bumping into me and Akl boi. What wrong have i done since he didn't want us to be together and he is pissed seeing me hanging out with someone else? This is all too crazy to take. I have try giving in so many times. None of those has helped. I just wish sometimes i let pride take over me and not know anything at all in the end so that i wouldn't be hurt at the end of the day. Would it be better?

I just don't understand. Everything was all sweet and next second it changes so fast. He said he didn't like me being spontaneous but seems like now he's the one who being too spontaneous. Hot and cold at the same time! Mood swings are giving me the whip lash. Not to mention it hurts so badly that i got myself into a very confuse state of mind. I remember advising my friend that it is not the place who changes you, but it is you who holds the will to determine things. Right now i just realise that. I am taking control of my life now. There are somethings can be done and some things cannot be done. I know i believe impossible is nothing but some things are really impossible. As it is fixed means it is fixed. I am coming turning back to my self conscious since this is KL. Culturally different. Way things works here different too.

I wanted to leave KL, but look at me now. Can't even decide what i want. Seriously, i hate it. Not being able to know what i want. I know i dont wanna study anymore but i know the only way to leave here is to continue with my studies. Yes, i guess you can't have everything in life. There are choices to make in order to reach the other end. Now i have second thoughts. I do like it in Malaysia. But i know i wont be able to grow much if i stay here. I am contented here. I don't like it just being contented! I wanna struggle to achieve things so that i can be proud of myself! Now i am just purely disappointed of myself ! I wanna GROW! GROW ! GROW! to be a better person!

2010 resolution "A better me of last year"

Yes peeps! It's 2010 and March already. I haven't write out my 2010's resolution. Hey it is still 2010 after all. I had a lil bit of time to figure things out. Like really clear my head off with things. Last year's resolution was fulfilling and i am very proud of myself for being able to keep up. This year would be different as i am now in M'sia no more in New Zealand. More temptation and hard to keep up with life.

Here's another list to fulfill this year:

1. Set up 2010 Calendar n stick it on the wall
2. Winter Clothes for wash
3. Clean the wardrobe to replace new clothes
4. Count your cash to keep track with your spending
5. New Hair do
6. New Lifestyle (healthy one)
7. Excercise
8.Shopping for new clothes n make-up
9. Lotion your damage skin
10. Be Orgnize (get a planner)
11. Note pad to remember things
12. Find things to keep your brain running
13. Never stop reading or finding out things
14. Find a church that suits you
15. Be true to yourself
16. List the things you wanna do
17. Implement all ideas you have in mind
18. Searh for jobs again!! make sure work hard n try to listen to wot they're telling you
19. Photography learn more, experiment more and find out more!
20. Piano lessons
21. Dance class!

That's all for now. Let's see how many can i cross out xD

Living is not about FINDING YOURSELF but CREATING YOURSELF.