Uncapped thoughts

I haven't been blogging at all..god knows how long i've been away from this page of mine. Now, where do I start and how should I start expressing my thoughts here....

I remember the last break up, not quite vividly, but clear enough to tell myself that if ever to have a partner again i shall love him and appreciate the times we spent together because i don't want to lose him. After 2 years plus of not being in a relationship, here i am again. Going back to square 1 on how i used to behave. Behaving like how i have always been. Could not just back down, as my sense of pride keeps pushing in.

I do want us to be good, but there is something that i would not let go. Could it be because i am a very insecure person, so afraid if i were to give in, he would treat me like how my ex treated me? Just leave me like that? Why am i acting like this? There's always something missing in the relationship.

He said that i have never respected the relationship. To me obviously in my head there's this one question mark, hanging....."In wot sense?" He said that he has done everything he can to save us. I do agree on this. He has always loved me and cared for me and has always been there for me except for this one time when i was having diarrhea, that's the only time he could careless.

I have spent a lot of my time being with him and his family but yet he could not see it. He still thinks that i am not committed to the relationship we have. Hence, it leads us into arguments say maybe 4 times or more in week, and this has been on going for like 9 months.

Both of us are extremely emotionally tired. Obviously, i know part of it was mine to blame for calling it quits numerous time and of course with my temper that flicks him away from me.

We then came to realize that both people with strong personalities are unable to communicate with each other. Utter ridiculous right! This is the first time that i have ever encountered such things.

So wot now? i love him very much as well, but we couldn't get along. He said that he could careless whether we are together or apart. That really shatters me.

Ohhhhh wellllllllllll.......wondney law...just remember that life goes on and it is not the end of it. When one door closes, the next will open...hang in there!