Highest achievements for now!!

I woke up today and did some reflective......

I now realise how much i have missed out so many things in my life. I know i want to be someone useful and someone better. Who doesn't right!! i actually just realise that there were so many things i could have done to improve myself in the past to be someone whom i want to be today. I went like OMG, i could have been an awesome student back then. As i was rewinding my life back to high skewl days....There i was..i could have join so many clubs to make life more interesting and not to mention give myself a chance to experience leadership. What was i thinking at that time?!?! None of what i've just mentioned. I was pretty caught up wid the social life and ignored studies. Did i have a dream back then? Not really, but i do know what i want in future. Material wise. My biggest achievement is getting into IACT college, graduate with an advance diploma and highest achievement of all is doing my Bachelors in Auckland Uni Tech. I know this achievements like this to others are like peanuts. To me it is something that i have never thought of. Life in IACT really did make a difference in me. I'm not promoting them now but its true. IACT lecturers has thought me that :

"Nothing is impossible"
"It's never too late"

As i think back, i am glad that i have made the right choice in enrolling myself in IACT. The best thing ever happened to me and i get to meet really great people and great friends. Especially the one who's always dropping cough drops in my box LOL. For that 2 phrases of words has push me this far. I know what i've missed out and so i'm working on it now. I may not get back to the things i've missed but at least i know what i need to work on from now on . Step by step climbing up the stairs to reach for the stars.

Flirting Part:2

Hunger for knowledge.....

As i was bored to death waiting for people to get back to me after sending so many CVs out, i then came upon this book which my mom handed it to be before leaving K.L.

As i was reading i came across another subject on flirting.....This time is called

"FLIRTING WITH THE FORBIDDEN"

I find it very interesting. I didn't know that God has this subject on flirting too. What is this "FLIRTING WITH THE FORBIDDEN" means?!?!.....

There shall not be found you anyone,
who makes his son or daughter pass through the fire,
one who uses divination,
one who practices witchcraft,
or who interprets omens,
or a sorcerer,
or one who cast a spell,
or a medium,
or a spiritist,
or one who calls up the dead.
For whoever does this things are detestable to the Lord
Deuteronomy 18:10-12 NAS

Whoever has been interested in these kind of things will then meet the worse consequences of all time. Interest as in lusting for it, is bad. But if one has meditated and practice long enough, along comes the devil. This is not something anyone should be playing with.

I remembered my mom's warnings very well to avoid things like this. Even the simplest thing like palm reading or tarot cards reading in knowing your future is a danger.

I know life would not be easy. And so i rely on faith itself that i shall over come anything that comes in my way and i shall not give up on anything although i know i give things up easily when theres obstacles. If i am destined to be something i don't want to, i will fight it although I am very afraid of going through hard life. But let's face it, no matter what it is, everything is hard. Nothing is easy that's how people learn and grow. I believe i have every right to change my life as long as i work on it. But in all ways, acknowledge God himself that shall help me.

Psalm 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.
I will guide you with my eyes.

Proverbs 3:5,6
5-Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
6-In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct your paths.

From the above that is quoted from the Bible which i have fail to do so. And i admit, i have been crossing my principles in life numerous times. Consequences of it, has made me realise this today. If i were to stick to what i have set from last time, things would be so much different. But then again, i wouldn't know what the bright side is if i haven't step into the dark side to look at things from afar.

A friend once told me "You do not go to church to find answers, you are there to worship and give thanks". Another friend told me, "Church teaches people how to have faith in God". And just now my mom told me " Go to church to build a relationship with God, then God will show you".

My usual thought was to go to church and find answers. Very wrong. Not having enough faith in God. Very very wrong. Lost my relationship with God all because of i've crossed the forbidden side. So wrong. Was tempted and i gave in to temptation. Which is another absolutely wrong thing to do.

Has my thinking change?!?! From what i have gone through...yes, definitely change and my vision on things is slightly clearer. But there's more to learn from here...

Subject: FLIRTING

"Why would you want to flirt or fool around when you're in a relationship,
might as well, don't be in one,
if you're thinking of flirting or fooling around"
It beats the purpose of being in a relationship.

This is what a friend told me whilst we were doing some catch ups. You are right, thank you for clearing my head as it has always been HAZY on this subject for the past few years.

What does flirting means?

1. Definition: Behave as if trying to attract someone sexually but without serious intentions
2. Definition: (flirt with) show a casual interest in.

My theory on Flirting comes in 2. #1 Flirting with intentions, which suits the definition from the above. #2 Flirting without intentions, you talk but it somehow accidentally attracted the opposite sex which wasn't supposed to happen (or it could be not considered flirting, just crap).

Now, don't get me wrong here, i don't like my partner to flirt neither i would when i'm in a relationship. Has always been against it, as flirting opens a gap of opportunity for others to intrude the relationship. Here's the story, my previous partner was a flirter, i knew he was one as i met him and caught up with him in a wrong place. But, the place i met him didn't tell me that he is one. It's the things he says(sweet talker). I admit, it was against my principle to fall for someone whom i met in a club. And so, i've met the consequences of it. Nevertheless, during the relationship, as much as i want to believe that he is not one, i was just being denial to the max. Which leads me through a lot of pain. It's true though, when they say, the closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see. I was just too blind and denial to face the truth. As i want to believe he is the person whom i wish he was.

Turns out nah!! He wasn't and never was. Had a very good lesson, but was it learned?, it has yet to be reveal. Sometimes, it made me think that flirting was in his blood or something, because through my observation, his dad too is like him. I look up to his mother very highly as she can stand the fact that her husband is flirting right in front of her very naked eyes. Imagine how many years they have been together. I would have gone crazy. Why am i writing this again? Seriously, i want to get it out from my heart and brain as it has been stuck there for quite sometime. Clogging my thoughts and feelings, confusing me on what's right and what's wrong. I've been in a state of confusion for too long over this matter.

Questions are like these...Is it alright to flirt? If it's not, why is he doing it? And somehow, it leads to What does Flirting means anyway?.... So, now you know.

To wrap this up...i believe flirting is very wrong when you're in a relationship. Think of your partner's feeling, if he/she would to do that to you, what or how would you feel? And....flirting will only leads to more disasters as one is attracting the attention of another because of what?You don't do it for fun. There's a purpose to it Biatch!. Which i must say, IT'S PERFECTLY WRONG!! and it's not okay. Saying that one will flirt lesser would never help either as it is WRONG WRONG WRONG! How stupid is that. Flirt lesser. Makes ZERO sense at all! You want a great relationship and things to work out, fooling and flirting is not the answer to it. Being faithful, loyal, honest and sincere is the key to it.

Closer

You've gotta be extra careful with
The things that are close and dearest to you
You know the closer you get to something
The tougher it is to see it
Explain to me all your happiness
That you just experienced by my side
Or maybe you're so blessed in ways that
You can't even remember it all
That you are standing here with me
That you live and breathe and see and feel
They're all little miracles and wonder
Just by themselves.
You've gotta be extra careful with
The things that are close and dearest to you
You know the closer you get to something
The tougher it is to see it
You know the closer you get to something
The tougher it is to see it
And I'll never take it for granted
It's fine to say "Never give up"
Say "Keep chasing your dreams on"
But the more time you spend talking big
The less you get done with life
I'll let that handful of courage in my heart
Help me survive another day
And I'll never take it for granted
Let's go!

Quoted: OEJ EUONI

Lost in translation

I wish there was someone who understands my feeling,
understand what i'm going through,
help me out and be there for me,
be my shelter when it's raining,
be my tree and shade me when the sun is shining,
be my telescope to show me the blinking stars,
be my angel to protect me,
Unfortunately, no one can be that shining star.
As much as i want to, i, myself neither couldn't even perform what i've just said.
Lost between reality and fantasy.
Once again, i'm lost.
As my soul has not return to me.
Have never learned my lesson even hitting the ground once.
Knowing that it will counter me back instead.
Why do i still risk playing it,
When the consequences of it is so obvious,
Feeling jaded.
I've lost the game.
Who am i to blame?
Only myself.