A full stop for us.

While everyone is able to work out their relationships,

mine just went down the drain instantly.

We talked on how we should patch things up,

in a few hours time,

there we go again, arguing.

This time, was about him wanting others to have supper with us,

i on the other hand, wanted to spend quality time just the both of us.

For him, he didn't understand at all why it should be just 2 of us.

He said his heart doesn't want us to go different ways, but rationality is that we should.

For me I don't understand why can't we spend our time just the 2 of us, since we don't get to see each other during weekdays unlike we used to.

I told him we can't communicate with each other and i certainly don't know how are we going to patch things up.

After all that, he mentioned that i have poor comprehension skills, this made me feel dumb. What else, he called me crazy for thinking that we have spend less time with each other, this made me feel as if i am the clingy psycho. Which none of these two statements are true. I know it is not true. He said he wants to show me who the real me are.

He said that i am = possessive, irrational, selfish, only wants everything to go my way and also that i had lost him a very long time ago.

Then why the hell are we still lingering for so many months? He said is because he still believes that we have the chance to be good together.

There you go, finally crying and talking, we decided that it is best for us to separate.

It was heart breaking and tragic, as i thought we would be able to work it out until we grow old. Unfortunately no. Truth is even though we love each other, we are just unable to talk or work things out.

Whenever we talk it just turns to screaming, yelling and crying.

I do not want to end up like my parents. I do not want to have a broken marriage.

There are so many things i wanna say but words just won't come out. I am unable to decode my thoughts out. Whenever i do it like real slow, he will definitely, cut me of instantly. I feel degraded.

I am slowly believing that marriage and love does not matter anymore and it does not exist after going through so much shit.

That is the end of us.

Uncapped thoughts

I haven't been blogging at all..god knows how long i've been away from this page of mine. Now, where do I start and how should I start expressing my thoughts here....

I remember the last break up, not quite vividly, but clear enough to tell myself that if ever to have a partner again i shall love him and appreciate the times we spent together because i don't want to lose him. After 2 years plus of not being in a relationship, here i am again. Going back to square 1 on how i used to behave. Behaving like how i have always been. Could not just back down, as my sense of pride keeps pushing in.

I do want us to be good, but there is something that i would not let go. Could it be because i am a very insecure person, so afraid if i were to give in, he would treat me like how my ex treated me? Just leave me like that? Why am i acting like this? There's always something missing in the relationship.

He said that i have never respected the relationship. To me obviously in my head there's this one question mark, hanging....."In wot sense?" He said that he has done everything he can to save us. I do agree on this. He has always loved me and cared for me and has always been there for me except for this one time when i was having diarrhea, that's the only time he could careless.

I have spent a lot of my time being with him and his family but yet he could not see it. He still thinks that i am not committed to the relationship we have. Hence, it leads us into arguments say maybe 4 times or more in week, and this has been on going for like 9 months.

Both of us are extremely emotionally tired. Obviously, i know part of it was mine to blame for calling it quits numerous time and of course with my temper that flicks him away from me.

We then came to realize that both people with strong personalities are unable to communicate with each other. Utter ridiculous right! This is the first time that i have ever encountered such things.

So wot now? i love him very much as well, but we couldn't get along. He said that he could careless whether we are together or apart. That really shatters me.

Ohhhhh wellllllllllll.......wondney law...just remember that life goes on and it is not the end of it. When one door closes, the next will open...hang in there!