Yes back in KL now..i tried sustaining myself in Auckland. Guess wot, couldn't work out. Now i am back in KL. I thought after coming back here i would have a rough idea on what i want. Turns out i am still pretty lost. What goals do i have? seriously none. Two more days to go and 2010 will arrive. What's next year's resolution then?
I pretty much fulfill this year's resolution already. Not completely but most of it. I have more than 10 in a list. I should be slightly proud of myself about it. But what about next year's one? Not a clue yet. I found love end of last year but never did work out at all. The love had lasted for many many months. Up till today i still have a bit of it to be honest. I know it will never work out. Not then, not now, not ever. I wonder what the hell is with fate? playing with my destiny?!?! I should let go completely since it is no good for me even from the start. I must remind myself that i am strong enough to overcome anything. And hoping that soon, God will send someone who is right for me.
I do have a guy who is dating me now. What can i say, is another long distance relationship again. This guy is a very nice guy, but would it work out?, that's a different story. Meanwhile, still maintaining it though. I like him but not love him. Ah well!
Christmas Eve was awesome. I did not regret coming back for this year's jolly season. Something incredible did happen. Joe proposed to P. San at 12 am Christmas day. Couldn't ask for more. Was my best gift ever for Christmas to witness such things. The joy was over whelming as i could not even use any words to describe how incredible or beautiful the feeling was. Everyone was present. Thank God for that!
But now i have even bigger problems in life. What the hell do i want to do with my life? Study again. Seriously, i hate studying. I know the only way to leave M'sia is to do another degree in Ausie. But i really wanna start working and depend on myself for money. God has help me to get a job in Auckland. It was not what i want. If God knows best, why can't i contact him back? And help me again. Doubting God? Fully. I know it is bad and wrong to doubt God. But there are times, when a person is really in need, a person will be desperate. I am now in that position. Very much are indeed.
I realize everyone has change as all of them has their own life already. I am not sad about it as i anticipated this a long time ago. But inside me still wish that we could go back like how we used to be. I would not say i am the same me as before. I have definitely grow by living apart from them and being else where from them. Now to maintain this better me and continue growing is another step that i need to do. How to do it? i have yet to think about. But i will make sure to not slip backwards but to only charge forward.
