Life...tsk! tsk! tsk!

Wake up and smell the flowers..Graduation is finally over.. What's next?!?!....applying for working visa. Desperate to have a proper job here...really really desperate....Can't wait to work and slowly secure myself financially...Heard it's a bit hard to get a job here...But i'm risking everything to stay here..choosing to stay here, when my life is in back in kl...i heard my friend's are picking up part time job in some banks on the weekends...well, looking at them motivates me to even wanna work harder. But then first thing is first, have to get a FUCKING JOB here...not easy!!not easy!! Please God help me in getting me a job. Only you can provide me a job now and no one else. I write this out to remind me to have continuous faith in you. As i know, i easily loose faith.

Next thing, yes i couldn't believe myself that we've been separated for so long already. Looking at your now pics, brings me back to the times where we used to spent time together and i used to tell myself that time, that i don't think i can ever let you go. Look at me now....being all happy without you in my life. If you ask me, do i want another chance in getting back with you and having a life with you again...i would say no. Things has change, my perspective in seeing things has broaden. But nevertheless i have gained a lot in the past relationship i have with you. I learned how to love, how to care, how to be patient, how to not be stubborn, how to take other people's feeling into consideration before speaking, learn how to put my pride away, learn how to give in and lastly, i was in love with your family. All these experience i have with you brings me to a step further in life. I shall say that you are the first real relationship i have ever gotten into. And for some reason i thought we will be together forever. I guess everything really happens for a reason. It's all good now. I wish u have a jubilee life ahead of you. And thank you for everything.

I've just sent my mom, bro n sis off to the airport yesterday. Somehow, this is my first time missing mom in years. I have never miss mom in like so many years after since i hated her for some time. But this time is different. I miss her staying in my place. I miss her cooking and washing for me. I miss her talking to me and hugging me. I didn't cry tho when i sent them to the airport. Guess was too tired to even cry. After sending them off and head back home for a good rest, the feeling of lonesome came back. Felt like something is missing. When they were here with me i feel so secure and laid back. Now, all alone again. It's fine. I'll try to find something to feel in the gap. Hopefully soon enough before i fall into depression again!

Enough for tonight. Next would be my grad pics and holiday pics with family...

Oyasuminasai

Learn to fall and hit the ground

He slowly took one step behind,
Leaving me to learn how to stand on my my 2 feet,
All this while,
He's been there to hold me whenever i fall,
This time,
He has made up his mind,
Letting me stand all by myself,
Widen the boundaries he has set for me,
Taking off the ring of protection that he has layed,

I'm not used to it,
Once he told me that,
As all this while,
You have always been protecting me,
But i'll accept the fact that it's time for me to start learning how to stand by myself.
I can too be like the rest,
And i want to be like the rest,
To make you proud and not worry about me all the time.
Thank you for being there for me ever since i was brought to this planet.

I wouldn't complain about my life isn't all that perfect,
I find life being perfect with the people i am with and has grown with me through out the many years,
I am blessed with the people whom i have met,
And i'm overwhelmed with gratitude having them by my side.
I shall say that i am lucky to have lovely friends who are the best people i can ever have in life.
Not to mention, you all complete me in a way.
Without you all, i am nothing.
Missing all of you every now and then.

Lost in space

Another wake up with tears in my eyes streaming down my cheeks,
landing on the same pillow i once used to cried on,
Heart with an arrow pierced through my fragile lil heart
Another 365 of lonesome nights again
Enjoying drowning myself in sorrow using alcohol
But this time the picture was perfectly clear
The memories i have of you is awfully vague
Pointless to wish and hope
Playtime is over
Let's get back to earth to face reality.

My experiment

Today is my first day of dieting using cigarettes....does it work?!?! HELL YEAH!!..i used fags to ease my cravings for food...and it really works....Fingers crossed hopefully, after convo i won't be addicted to fags and for now i hope to loose at least 2 KGs in 1 week time... =D

Like WhateVer!

Eppie Chinese NEw yeaR peeps....late entry...i agree...but please forgive me as i have a lot of things to do....I've been puttin on a lot of weight...i dont know why...been eating a lot..big appetite all of a sudden...and grad day is in another 1 week time..im so fugged....i tried to eat lesser and healthier...seems like it's not working. I guess have to do it the unhealthy way....what do i have in mind u asked?....im planning to use cigarettes to lose weight..bad idea but after convo shud be fine..
i'll make sure i don't get hooked up by it.

Another thing is i found something that is really unpleasant. Yes, you....i'm calling you a suPEr Hypocrite...why would i say so?...go figure out yourself..why come complainin about my actions when you did the same too..Revengeful or what? i dont know...one thing i know you're corrupting your own values too. Don't get me wrong here, that i'd be awfully sad about it. It's just that i think you shudnt judge nor condemn others when you too have did the same.